if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
