Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
