Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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