is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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