This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
