Having a random hookup so left but love u
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
