Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize