i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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