Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
