don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
