He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
