Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
