too bad you live with your parents still
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
