I hate your face
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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