someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
