So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
