That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize