dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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