I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
