Its about making memories worth repressing
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
