if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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