you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
