she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
