sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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