his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
