Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
