I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
