my sisters under your porch take her home
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
