He is an equal opportunity slut.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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