Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
