she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
