You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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