no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
