fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
