Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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