I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
