I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
