So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
