I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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