i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
