My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
