TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
