i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
