You made me cry and you don't even care
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
