I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
