dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
