i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
