The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize