I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
