talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
