I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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