May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
