Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
