dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
