she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
