I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
