dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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