Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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