bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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