oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
