my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it was like eating out sand paper
Let's paint friendship bongs
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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