I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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