I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
do nipples grow back?
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