Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
