I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
