i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
