is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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