I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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