I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize