What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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