I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
