the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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