There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
