My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
