I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
