Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
