We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
