If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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